Reflections Of The Past Month

A month has passed since I was standing on the beautiful Jamestown Island. It is a place that I always feel drawn to visit each time I am in Virginia. This may be for the peacefulness of the isle.  The day I took the photos on the left, was after what I felt was a the start of a break though.

I had a conversation with a gentleman earlier in the day, where he talked of cycles, change, adapting, energy and how we cannot change what has been done in the past. That we can learn from it. With his words in my head, I drove to the island and mediated. I started crying. It felt like purging the past. Old feelings of not being good enough, stuck in cycles and dealing with the same situations. I realized that most of those ideas or topics came from so many past moments. But my body has kept or internalized the trauma and it let me live in fear. I have gotten tired of being in that state. Now understanding so much more than I did when I first arrived in Virginia. I started to feel free for the first time in a long time.

For the last month I have taken my discoveries and written them down. Reading my thoughts, I saw a pattern. I have let others hurt me then believed the lies fed to me. It is strange how one negative comment or incident can impact you if you let it. After seeing so many different emotions, I felt the concept of letting go even more prominent. If I harbor these feelings consciously or not, it can still do damage to my energy and well-being. I sat down and wrote letter styled journal entries to my younger self. Stating everything that had happened to you is not who you are now and that you cannot change the fact it occurred. That you have to forgive yourself and others to be able to move on to bigger and brighter things. I have been doing this in multiple letters and has been a great way to release the trauma. I have never felt so free knowing where the roots of myself sabotage or trauma really originated from I can heal from it. Because I am not what a person said to me when they wanted to bring me down out of hate or jealousy.

Many times, people say “I need a break to escape the realities of life” by vacationing. In my opinion, that is not always the best way to handle it. For we are only trying to run from life rather than to deal with the hardships. Just because we are trying to distract ourselves, does not mean the thoughts cannot pop up. You also never know who you will meet on your travels that may give you the tools to enlighten you. In an upcoming post, I will be detailing how I have started to heal ancestral trauma that has affected me as well. Which is something I did not realize can be passed down through generations that we are not a part of.

I have learned so much over a course of 30 days. This post feels more like a random journal entry full of different thoughts to me. It is a reflection of what has been going on internally. Who knows you may even resonate with a section and it can spark something for you to see clarity. This past month has been draining. Yet I know that I am only preparing myself for the new year, decade and adventures approaching.